Not the answer I wanted. I'm not pregnant. Again.
We thought it was all lined up perfectly. The Clomid, the surgery, the timing. I even ovulated FOUR. TIMES. Yep, four times in one cycle. It seemed like it was all going to work out.
But it didn't.
I know God has a plan, and maybe that plan is that we don't have any more children naturally. Maybe it's that we will be adopting. But, I really wish He'd clear this up for me and not make my ovaries ache every time I see a baby.
I know what everyone wants to say right now. Yes, we do realize that we have Lorelai and we are SO grateful for her. She is a great child. No, we're not taking her for granted. BUT....having her doesn't make the desire to have another one any less. If anything, it makes it worse. Now we KNOW what we are missing. She's awesome. We are SO blessed to have her. And it would be great for her to have a sibling. She WILL have a sibling, naturally or not.
We've asked God to take away the desire to have another child, if it's not His will. And He hasn't. We believe it's going to happen. But we still get frustrated. We still get sad. We cry. We mope.
It's getting harder and harder, but we press on. Two solid years before Lorelai and now 21 months of negative pregnancy tests this time, it's starting to get really old.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, even though I know I am. I feel badly, because everyone is always so nice saying that I have a great attitude. And I try my best to be positive at all times. I just also want to be real and tell you that infertility sucks. If I could, I would punch it in the face. Anyone else? :-)