June 19, 2006

Am I Weird?

This is from Friday night, but it wouldn't post, for some reason...

So, I'm in St. Louis! Yippee! I got here, had lunch and took a nap. It was fantastic. Then, I met some girlfriends I used to go to high school with for dinner. We got to reminiscing, laughing and talking about things that have happened in the last ten years. After a lot of talking about people we went to school with, I asked a very dumb question.

"What kind of girl was I in high school?" Poor Amanda, I'm sure she didn't realize this was going to make the blog...ha ha

Amanda kindly replied, "Rachel, you were the Weird Girl."

That was NOT what I was expecting at ALL! Then, Lauren clarified that a little by saying that I wasn't really "weird" so much as "entertaining." Well - "weird" makes me think of a quiet math nerd who stared at everyone and never talked, or a white-faced Gothic chick who made scary faces when someone talked to her (no offense to anyone who fell into these categories). "Entertaining" makes me think of Shirley Temple, Jim Carey, or a comedy show. So, which one was it? Then, to add to her "weird" argument Amanda sweetly brought up all of the weird things about me still - like the Barbie Birthday Party, the Ghetto/White Trash Halloween party (Kelly's, not mine, but she didn't know that), the wigs on the cruise, the knitting and the banjo. Okay, so if THAT is what you call weird, then I'll take it. I'm weird.

Now, let me say this...as shocked as I was to hear that name, it actually doesn't bother me much. It could be MUCH worse. I could have been the "mean girl" or the "booger girl," but as far as I know, I wasn't. So, I can take weird or entertaining.

I was a little nervous, I'll admit it, to come back this weekend and be face-to-face with all the people I went to school with and hear stories about what they thought of me. But, I've realized that I'm not embarrassed about not drinking, not doing drugs and not having sex in high school. And, I liked it that nobody pressured me to try to do those things. They accepted me for who I was and we all still hung out; I just didn't partake. I'm not ashamed of anything I did ten years ago, and as far as I know, I didn't ever hurt anyone, which was really my biggest fear.

So, now I'm all prepared to go tomorrow night to see a larger group of the old friends. The last time I saw some of these people, I had a six-pack-tummy on a size 6 frame, so a lot has changed, but that doesn't bother me either. Maybe for the FIRST time in my life, I am actually comfortable with who I am and who I've become. That is a great feeling. Too bad it took so long, but at least it took!

ONE MORE THING...for any of you who knew me when I was 20, was I irresponsible or selfish? I don't remember being that way. As a matter of fact, I remember at the age of 20, I was buying my first house. I sat and talked with my brother tonight and was just stunned at how clueless he is about the world. Was I that bad? I don't ever remember being as selfish as he is being. I won't go into details, but I'm just really surprised. I don't know how my Dad's blood pressure doesn't shoot through the roof when he (or any of us, for that matter) makes stupid decisions. This makes me really stop and think about what kind of mom I'm going to be. I don't want to be a lecturer. I hope that doesn't happen. I found myself lecturing my brother. I'll just chalk it up to the hormones! Yeah, that's it! :-)

All right - time for bed! I get to pick JD up at the airport tomorrow so we can all spend the weekend together. I'm looking forward to getting together with family this weekend - even though my schedule is JAM-PACKED. I'm happy to be here.


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK...you ALWAYS call me weird. Does that mean you think i am the weird math kid, snarly goth girl, or BOOGER girl????
-JB

tinanorth said...

One of the definitions in the Websters dictionary for weird is...
Main entry weird
adj
2: of strange or extradordinary charachter: odd, fantastic.
To say that was a huge compliment, because you were not the norm of sex, drugs and good times. Be proud of that.

Kathi Tugman said...

I can't tell you what you were like during highschool or right afterwards. I can only go on what I've known of you for the past 3 1/2 years. You are amazing and I believe that I truly missed out on what could have been a great friendship when we were in highschool. But being that I was so absorbed in "not all the good stuff" I might not have treasured your friendship like I do now. So who cares what you were like in highschool whether you were weird or the booger girl. As long as you didn't spend your days torturing others and being cruel, y our highschool years shouldn't define you. It's what you do afterwards that does... and from what I can tell, you're doing great!

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Rachel~

You are so lucky that you were allowed to thrive in high-school despite your unpopular choices. I made the same choices and was treated like a nerd but I'm still not sorry!! Of course the glasses, braces, and zits didn't help either - HA!

Anyway, you are an awesome person and I'm glad that I know you and you are going to be a terrific mom :)

Julie Z.

Anonymous said...

I certainly hope you did NOT lose any sleep over my comment on being "weird". We have been friends since the sixth grade, girlfriend! You taught me so many things- like how to apply blush to my collar bones so they stick out more, and important stuff like that :) Much more, you taught me to have fun and experience all you can. Not to be afraid of being "outside the box" of St Charles County. Hell, if it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have had the courage to move all the way to frickin' Hawaii. Love you girl! Keep on being interesting- it makes for good stories. :) Hee hee! Who wants to be boring?
Love you VERY much!
amanda

Anonymous said...

You were totally NOT cruel by any means! You were fun, chatty, and the life of whatever you were involved in! Did that make sense? Kind of like the life of the party...but well...nevermind!

Anonymous said...

By the way...forgot to sign my last comment...
Rachel B

stormhuse said...

I don't know about when you were 20, but you're pretty darn selfish these days.

BTW - what time is dinner tonight?