September 3, 2008

Fertility Update

I am SO blown away by the thoughtful emails, comments and phone calls I've received the last few days, particularly today. I knew I had friends, but WOW!! Family, in-real-life friends as well as e-friends came out and y'all bombarded my inboxes with wonderful prayer messages and uplifting thoughts.

I did have my fertility appointment today. I'll spare you the LONG details, as the time spent with the doctor was an HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES, but it went very well.

Aside from the fact that the doctor's mannerisms and facial expressions would make a terribly funny Seinfeld episode, he was pretty darn wonderful. He listened to all my questions, humored me with all my self-diagnosis talk and gave me great information.

To his surprise, I had actually educated myself on the topic of fertility. So, he bestowed upon me the "Best Questions Award" as well as the "Most Educated First-Timer Award." Unfortunately, he didn't give me any certificate or plaque, so these awards cannot be confirmed. Nor listed on a resume.

Charting really helped me to get a head-start on diagnosis, so after a blood-draw today, and some testing this week, we should have a clear vision for my fertility future. It's obvious that all the plumbing is working, as we've already conceived, but there a lot of things just not right. I'll spare you the details, but we should be starting on some aggressive treatment next month! YAY! Who knew things could actually move quickly!?

By the way, if you want to know the gorey details or have any questions about how this all happened (bypassing military care to get quicker civilian care) send me a message. I'd be glad to pass along all the info I have.

I'll keep y'all posted with any updates.

Side note: I am blogging about this journey for a few reasons. First off, not all women feel comfortable talking about fertility problems and few blog about it. I already have a handful of women reading the blog who are going through the same thing (or worse), but just aren't comfortable to talk about it openly. As you know, I'm pretty much an open book, so I have no qualms with it at all. If this gives them (us) an outlet and a support group, it's all worth it!

Secondly, I use my blog as a way to really journal my life and one day plan on binding it all up into a book so when my children get terribly bored, they can read all about mylife; even my ovaries and scary American Idol obsessions. They will also see that much love and desire went into conceiving and raising them, despite what they might think when they're hating me because I won't let them date until they're 25.

I know many people tell me to be patient and I get that, really, I do. I also appreciate everyone's positivity. However, I'm not being impatient, believe me. JD and I have been trying to conceive for 17 months now. That's a whole lotta charting, fertility monitoring, and over 50 negative disappointing pregnancy tests.

God has really had His hands on us during this whole process. I was told at 25 that I was going to need a complete hysterectomy. Boy, am I glad I didn't listen to them. Prayer got me through that. Out of those 50+ negative pregnancy tests (that's just this time around) I could really be ready to throw in the towel, and I'm not. Prayer gets me through that too.

I talk about it a lot, just to share how I'm feeling and to let everyone in on a very personal part of my life.

Yes, it's hard to hear about friends and family getting pregnant. Some on the first try.

Yes, it's hard to hear about teen mothers getting pregnant accidentally and deciding not to keep the baby.

But, I am GENUINELY happy for them and don't feel sorry for myself. I know that if we weren't mean to have more children, that God would take that desire from us. It will all happen in His timing, but I also have free will and medical care at my disposal, which means I will do everything in my power to make sure I'm following in the path I believe God has for us.

I do NOT take what I do have for granted, either. I know we are blessed beyond belief to have Lorelai. She was truly a miracle and on paper we shouldn't have been able to conceive her. I appreciate the life we have with her. This doesn't mean I can't desire to have more children.

Maybe God is trying my patience, who knows. All I know is right now I am at peace with our process and where we are. I feel we're being proactive and for all the right reasons. We're going through it prayerfully and I am not feeling anxious.

I'm pretty sure this is a disjointed post and thanks to those of you who actually read this in its entirety! I just wanted to get that all out and off my chest.

So, thank you to all who have been praying for and thinking about us. We are seriously feeling the love and thank God for each of you!!!

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Karly said...

Praying. And praying for you again. :)

Next month?? Woohoo! :)

Thank you for being so willing to share this experience with the rest of us. There just isn't enough supportive transperancy amongst the body of Christ, you know?

Uma and Wil said...

I'm sending you a virtual hug. It's still going... I know all will work out in the end and you will again be a mom. Glad to hear that the process is finally moving along.

I also charted to conceive Chase. And although I appreciated what I learned about my body, it also made me really stressed out even after just a couple of months. It just seemed that EVERY single woman I saw last summer was hugely pregnant and there we were with perfect timing yet no baby. We had already resigned ourselves to the fact that we were just going to have more puppies and threw the charts out when it happened. Go figures. Thank you for sharing your story. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Cervato said...

Stay strong sister. Someday you'll be able to post about how faithfullness pays off and how big and fat you are in your second trimester. I can't wait for that post!

stormhuse said...

We think and pray for you guys almost nightly - thanks for the update and keep us posted!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I'm so glad your appointment went well!!

I will pray for patience and peace for you and your husband.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I'm so glad your appointment went well!!

I will pray for patience and peace for you and your husband.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

I'm so glad your appointment went well!!

I will pray for patience and peace for you and your husband.

Becs said...

1. Its YOUR blog you should never feel like you have to defend yourself. I don't see how any reader could find you ungrateful or impatient.

2. I appreciate your blogging it. I can talk all day long about certain pregnancy/womanly issues, but this is not one of them. Your account not only provides me with information but also a greater understanding of what others may go through and how to best relate/interact with them.

3. I cant type any more because I am going into a bizarre coughing fit.

Toni said...

I am obviously behind on reading your blog! I am so glad you got in to see the specialist!!!

I have an appointment on the 10th of this month.

I have started a new blog dedicated to this journey...

I wish you the best of luck Rachel!!!

By the way Loralei's "cheese" pictures are adorable!

Brenda said...

Yeah for a doctor's visit!!! Praying everything will work out...

Also, I think it's good you are blogging about it. It's a very big topic that tons of people deal with. I dealt with it in a smaller way and actually ended up taking Clomid, but thankfully did not have 7 children at once! I had a friend who had lots of problems and I remember so not wanting to tell her I was pregnant with Little Bit. When she found out she hugged my neck and was so happy for me. It made me want to cry. Happily, she got pregnant like a month after me!!!
So, keep sharing.

Terry, Ornament of His Grace said...

I have prayed and thought about you numerous times over the past couple of months. Wishing you and your husband a fruitful and fertile future. But no matter what happens, that you will remain secure in God's great compassion, mercy, and love. I'm sure there are many women who are being blessed by your transparency on this issue.

CJ, Laura, Madison and Morgan said...

yay! i'm so excited everything went well! and i can't wait until we're all in our 50's and your kids get to read all about your ovaries in a nicely bound journal :). hmm maybe it will make oprah's book list even! (what is it with me and oprah?? i can't even remember the last time i watched her show, yet i constantly reference the woman!). regardless, i want a signed copy :).

bauer zoo said...

i'm thinking about you guys and praying for you! i'm so glad your doctor took you seriously and that you like him. that's important. i may not have had fertility problems, but i do feel for you! if anyone deserves a bunch of kids, it's you. (take that however you wish)

Jessica P. said...

That is so great you finally had your appointment! I love reading your blogs-it definitely makes me realize that it is possible to make a not so great situation into a do-able situation. You are so positive about life and that is contagious! I will definitely be thinking about you guys and praying for a new little one. You do know this means a bigger house because where will I sleep when I come visit with a new nursery in the house. LOL-Miss you guys and can't wait to see you again!

Joanne and Deric said...

Wow, I think that is one of your best blogs ever... just so open, honest and real. I am quite taken by it actually! You are an amazing person, no wonder so many people are drawn to you. You should never be surprised that so many people care - you have an addictive positivity that most of us wish we had.
I must just say weldone on staying this clear and focused. I think that is the hardest part.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

This is a wonderful post and I think your attitude is just beautiful. I look forward to reading of your journey and seeing what God is doing in your life.
Lot of hugs and prayers,

Throwin' Fitz said...

We're always thinking of you from right next door. (or next state) Maybe JD should take a quick trip to the 'Stan... it's worked for lots of us (including LaLa) :)

Jen said...

You go GIRL!! I am proud of you for staying strong. You really are a hero. Lorelai is so blessed to have such a wonderful mother and father.

Rebecca said...

Great post. No wonder you have a million readers - you should get into the field of journalism.. and sewing... and photography. Wow. Talented, much?

I love how you articulated that God does want you to have more children solely by the desire he has given you to be parents to more than one child. That is so true. And Lala is going to be a great big sister!!

JAMIE'S CREW said...

Great post. Very heartfelt and there are lots of women out there who have walked in your shoes. Clomid was awesome for me - resulted in twins too. Good luck and I can tell that you have many, many people praying for you!

Anna Childress said...

Take it one day at a time. I guess the chart can help with that. :-) I'll be praying for you guys.

jamieBEE said...

thanks for posting! I do not have a fertility problem but my sis-in-law does and it really helps to know how to relate to her because she is a very CLOSED book on the situation. Thanks for sharing and helping us all understand more. :) even though it is only for your children when they are board reading your book of life. ;)

Mrs. Nichole Jordan said...

Hey! WOW I Love your site!
I have been here before I know but somehow never made it back. I saved you and will be back often for SURE! Can't wait to get to know you.

And I am looking foward to your posts on trying to get prego.
We tried for 5 months and got preg only to lose our baby after a few short weeks. We are hoping to get preg again soon but its all in the Lords hands.

Thanks so much!!!
Ps. Thanks for reading my blog to!!!! :-) Its cool to hear when people come back for more and do like it! :-D

Jessi said...

Why yes it is! Isn't your anniversary coming up by the way?!

Tracye said...

I'm so glad everything went well, and that you'll be on the road to big-bellydom in no time!

I believe!

And am praying for you!

Heather said...

That's why I read your blog!! Wow! You are such a strong woman. I am amazed by your positive attitude.

I am continuing to pray for you! I'm so excited that you may finally get some answers!!

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear that you clicked with your doctor and that they were able to see you so soon! (realitvely speaking :) I will continue to keep you in my prayers, you are an amazing woman and an amazing mommy. Many fertility thoughts being sent!

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to hear things are going well. You definitely are doubly blessed. And that cheese thing, how funny. You certainly are one of the strongest women I know and an unbelievable mom. I brag about you and how you are with Lorelai and the things you teach her, on a fairly regular basis. Love you.

Pennies In My Pocket said...

Wow, this post touches me tons. LONG LONG LONNNNGGGG story short: It took us 9 years to conceive. We never gave up hope. We KNEW that if the Lord wanted us to have a child then He would do it in His timing. Again, long story short....I ended up getting pregnant with no fertility drugs and without a period in site for 5 months. BTW, I have PCOS which is the leading cause of infertility in the nation.

Don't lose hope. I'll keep you both in my prayers!


Elizabeth said...

we'll have to talk soon...i want to know more about your journey...especially since I am infertile also...although mine is very diagnosed and charting helped me get to that diagnosis also.

i'll email you's so crazy here though...bear w/ me. :-)