I am SO blown away by the thoughtful emails, comments and phone calls I've received the last few days, particularly today. I knew I had friends, but WOW!! Family, in-real-life friends as well as e-friends came out and y'all bombarded my inboxes with wonderful prayer messages and uplifting thoughts.
I did have my fertility appointment today. I'll spare you the LONG details, as the time spent with the doctor was an HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES, but it went very well.
Aside from the fact that the doctor's mannerisms and facial expressions would make a terribly funny Seinfeld episode, he was pretty darn wonderful. He listened to all my questions, humored me with all my self-diagnosis talk and gave me great information.
To his surprise, I had actually educated myself on the topic of fertility. So, he bestowed upon me the "Best Questions Award" as well as the "Most Educated First-Timer Award." Unfortunately, he didn't give me any certificate or plaque, so these awards cannot be confirmed. Nor listed on a resume.
Charting really helped me to get a head-start on diagnosis, so after a blood-draw today, and some testing this week, we should have a clear vision for my fertility future. It's obvious that all the plumbing is working, as we've already conceived, but there a lot of things just not right. I'll spare you the details, but we should be starting on some aggressive treatment next month! YAY! Who knew things could actually move quickly!?
By the way, if you want to know the gorey details or have any questions about how this all happened (bypassing military care to get quicker civilian care) send me a message. I'd be glad to pass along all the info I have.
I'll keep y'all posted with any updates.
Side note: I am blogging about this journey for a few reasons. First off, not all women feel comfortable talking about fertility problems and few blog about it. I already have a handful of women reading the blog who are going through the same thing (or worse), but just aren't comfortable to talk about it openly. As you know, I'm pretty much an open book, so I have no qualms with it at all. If this gives them (us) an outlet and a support group, it's all worth it!
Secondly, I use my blog as a way to really journal my life and one day plan on binding it all up into a book so when my children get terribly bored, they can read all about mylife; even my ovaries and scary American Idol obsessions. They will also see that much love and desire went into conceiving and raising them, despite what they might think when they're hating me because I won't let them date until they're 25.
I know many people tell me to be patient and I get that, really, I do. I also appreciate everyone's positivity. However, I'm not being impatient, believe me. JD and I have been trying to conceive for 17 months now. That's a whole lotta charting, fertility monitoring, and over 50 negative disappointing pregnancy tests.
God has really had His hands on us during this whole process. I was told at 25 that I was going to need a complete hysterectomy. Boy, am I glad I didn't listen to them. Prayer got me through that. Out of those 50+ negative pregnancy tests (that's just this time around) I could really be ready to throw in the towel, and I'm not. Prayer gets me through that too.
I talk about it a lot, just to share how I'm feeling and to let everyone in on a very personal part of my life.
Yes, it's hard to hear about friends and family getting pregnant. Some on the first try.
Yes, it's hard to hear about teen mothers getting pregnant accidentally and deciding not to keep the baby.
But, I am GENUINELY happy for them and don't feel sorry for myself. I know that if we weren't mean to have more children, that God would take that desire from us. It will all happen in His timing, but I also have free will and medical care at my disposal, which means I will do everything in my power to make sure I'm following in the path I believe God has for us.
I do NOT take what I do have for granted, either. I know we are blessed beyond belief to have Lorelai. She was truly a miracle and on paper we shouldn't have been able to conceive her. I appreciate the life we have with her. This doesn't mean I can't desire to have more children.
Maybe God is trying my patience, who knows. All I know is right now I am at peace with our process and where we are. I feel we're being proactive and for all the right reasons. We're going through it prayerfully and I am not feeling anxious.
I'm pretty sure this is a disjointed post and thanks to those of you who actually read this in its entirety! I just wanted to get that all out and off my chest.
So, thank you to all who have been praying for and thinking about us. We are seriously feeling the love and thank God for each of you!!!